Say Cheese!
by Breze
Summary: [Complete] Christmas fic. It is Hisoka's first Christmas in Meifu, and he learns . . . (PWP, one-shot, OOCness)


Disclaimer: Do you really want to hear it? 

Warning: Hazardous writing up ahead. Be prepared for no plot, poor grammar, and general incoherency by the writer. 

About: A Christmas PWP fic. It is Hisoka's first Christmas in Meifu, and he learns . . .

**"Say Cheese!"**

You know those days when you would wake up just _knowing_ you will end up tearing your hair out in frustration, just short of collapsing and screaming bloody murder before the day even ends? 

Today is going to be one of those days. I can feel it already, and I've only been awake for twenty-four seconds. 

How would I know? Ask Tsuzuki's ridiculous loud grandfather clock. Apparently, my house is "too bare", and something had to be done to "liven things up a little". His solution to this little predicament is to bring said instrument into my house, without warning, nor my approval. So now, every time I step inside the house, I have this overwhelming urge to pick up the largest sledgehammer I can find, and smash the damn thing into oblivion. What a way to "liven things up", huh? 

One of these days, I'm going to strangle the baka. 

Speaking of whom, the idiot's been acting kinda odd lately. All too often, I would catch him deep in conversation with Tatsumi. Not that it was surprising, those two have been close friends for as long as I remember, maybe even more than that. Actually, before I can remember, since I wasn't even born back then. The way they're going, I wouldn't be surprised if I would walk in one evening, and find them at it like bunnies behind Tatsumi's desk. 

Okay, so I'm being crude. I'm stuck in an eternally sixteen year-old body, forgive me if my hormones are raging, and am too cynical for my own good. 

As I was saying, those two have been acting quite suspicious lately. I suppose it would be fine if they were indeed a couple, though the concept of it seem to give my heart a strange jolt every time I think about it (note to self: see Watari about that later, I think I may be coming down with something). But why would a newly founded couple would be paying more attention to **me** rather than each other is beyond my understanding. 

It is strange, it is weird, and it is indescribably disturbing. 

Take yesterday, for example. There I was, just innocently sipping my latte, reading my book, minding my own business, when Tsuzuki came bounding over, tails and all, and asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Since he had been asking me the same question for the past month and a half, plus the fact I knew full well that he was currently broke (again), and therefore can't possibly afford to buy anything anyway, I ignored him. But the idiot was more insistent than usual, and kept hounding me even after I told him point-blank he probably couldn't afford what I wanted anyway. Point-blank, as in the shape of his form is still imprinted on the wall. There goes trying to be nice. The baka just doesn't get it. 

Then Tatsumi came over, mere seconds after Tsuzuki's dismal retreat, and asked me the same question. Since this is Tatsumi we are talking about, I just told him the truth: I've never received a Christmas present before, so it didn't really matter if I didn't anything this year as well.  He looked puzzled for a second, his brows drawing together slightly in a small frown, then smiled. It wasn't one of those, "I'm out for your blood and all your assets whilst I'm at it" type smile, nor was it the "I'm at the end of my nerves here, so shut up now, or I'll make sure you wouldn't be able to later" ones. It was a genuine, benevolent smile that I've only even seen him flash at Tsuzuki once in a rare while. 

Whoa. And people say _I'm_ the pretty boy. The guy should definitely smile more. 

Of course, this shouldn't warrant them more than a raised eyebrow or two, but . . . okay, maybe I'm being paranoid, but those two, Tatsumi especially, have been giving off strange vibes. Not creepy strange vibes, but not exactly . . . I can't explain it. It's not like it feels unpleasant, more like . . . Actually, it feels like the vibes Tsuzuki gives off when he sees apple pies. Don't ask me why. I'm an empath, not a psychologist. No one claims I had to understand _what_ feel. 

"Hisoka-san?" 

Oops. "Sorry? I didn't catch that." 

GuShoShin the Younger sighed. At least, I think it was the younger. How do you tell the differences between one chicken from another? So maybe they are slightly cuter than chickens, infinitely smarter, and have clothes on, but the point is, when you are trying to differentiate them, it makes no difference: they still look the same. To make things even more complicated, the GuShoShins happen to be twins as well. On the bright side, they both answer to 'GuShoShin', so mistaken identity doesn't cause too much of a fuss. I can just say I was talking to the other. "I was asking if you'd like to see some of our new books." 

Well, since the Christmas holidays are in a few days . . . "That would be great. Thanks." 

"No problem!" He chirped. "You *are* our favourite customer after all, unlike some people we can name . . ." And with that, he began raving about a certain violet-eyed partner of mine who destroyed the library numerous times. Who said birds have a short-term memory?  

It was half way through GuShoShin's impassioned rant that I noticed we were taking the long way around to the 'New Books' section. Considering the shorter path, which cuts straight through the almost empty reading lounge, walking around the bends and curves of the edges of the library in the longer direction just to get to where we were heading seemed slightly absurd, even if for the sake of exercise. "Uh, GuShoShin? Why are we walking this way?" 

He blinked at me, startled, then seemed to realise something. "Oh! That's right! Hisoka-san have never been in Meifu during Christmas before!"

What does that have to do with the price of fish? "No, I haven't. I was away with Tsuzuki on a case last year during Christmas." And let's not talk about _that_ particular incident again . . . I had to drag Tsuzuki home after he got drunk from some American beverage called "eggnog". The idiot didn't even know what it was before he started drinking, and somehow, I have a feeling he still doesn't know now. 

(Somewhere in the nearby office, Tsuzuki sneezed, blowing icing sugar from his chocolate brownie right onto Tatsumi's scowling face via 'Tsuzuki's Special Delivery Service".)

GuShoShin nodded wisely. "Oh yes. Then that would explain why you don't understand the Christmas customs here in Meifu." 

Customs? There are _Christmas_ customs in Meifu??? 

"You must have noticed by know the uneven distribution of gender amongst those that works in JuOhCho, right?" GuShoShin continued in a hushed voice. 

I nodded. So what, Christmas = Battle of the Sexes down here in Meifu? 

"And since all the male Shingamis are supposedly attractive by human standards . . . well . . . there is sort of a fan-club going on between the females." 

WHAT !? 

"Every Christmas, some of the club members would gather around, and plan presents for each other. From what we've gathered, one of the rules with the presents is that they have to be somehow related to their targets. That's why the males usually tend to stay clear of female company during Christmas season by making themselves scarce." 

" . . . tell me you're kidding." 

He shook his head sympathetically, "It's not that bad. The worst thing they did was the year when they decided they would steal an article of clothing from every male they meet that Christmas. Only Terazuma-kun had his underwear stolen. Everyone else got away with maybe a shirt or a sock. It's really nothing you should concern yourself about." 

Oh no, of course not. My boxers are just at risk from being stolen by a bunch of horny females whom I have to work with for the rest of my afterlife, but no, that's not bad at all. I'll just risk walking around with nothing under for the rest of the day. Something to look forward to, I'm sure!

"Anyway, that's why we are walking the long way." He pointed in the direction of the reading lounge. "Wakaba-san is there reading. Or at least, pretending to read." He leaned forward, and in a conspiratory whisper, "She is one of the senior members of the club." 

"Oh." 

Wakaba is after my boxers, too? I knew I shouldn't have worn my favourite green ones today. I was getting quite attached to the feel of satin as well . . . 

"Ah, here we are!" GuShoShin tried in a more cheerful tone. "Do you want to try the Japanese section or the English section?" 

"I think I'll take a look at the English section. My English is getting rusty." 

"Okay! Just tell me when you are done!" With that, he began to flutter away. 

Wait . . . maybe he knows what to expect from 'Lechers 'R Us' this year . . . "Ano, GuShoShin? Do you know what I_they_/I are planning this year?" 

For a minute, he looked uneasy. "Well . . . I'm not certain . . . but I have heard that their newest craze has something to do with . . . um . . . do you know what 'yaoi' and 'shonen-ai' is?" 

Oh. _Oh._ Excuse me while I go and faint. 

Yaoi?! Shonen-ai?! Dear gods, so now I have to avoid both males and females? On the other hand, maybe they will find Tsuzuki and Tatsumi doing . . . Owww. Okay, that's it. I need to see Watari. 

Grabbing the book I wanted, I headed for the office where Watari should be having morning tea. Should. But obviously not, judging from the voices behind the door. 

"Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean . . . " Tsuzuki. What has the baka done now? 

The sound of movement suddenly ceased. Curious to hear more, I leaned forward. 

". . . You have beautiful eyes." Oh my god. Is Tatsumi making his move? . . . Aren't chest pains a premature sign of an oncoming heart attack? Eek. I need to find Watari. Right now. 

"Whoa . . . Tatsumi-san?" Since when did Tsuzuki address him with a suffix? I though only I did that . . . ?

"Will you let me be your happiness?" That's funny, the words (corny as it is) doesn't quite match what Tatsumi is feeling. I mean, you aren't normally suppose to feel embarrassed and frustrated when you are declaring ------- 

"Bon?" I jumped, and turned to see Watari's amber eyes staring quizzically down at me. 

Before I could comment, the door burst open. Unfortunately for me, I was leaning on said door, so I toppled backwards, straight into . . . Oops. 

Um, Tsuzuki? Don't kill me, I didn't mean to . . . Wow. Who knew Tatsumi's eyes were so blue? 

"Hisoka!" I blinked. Tsuzuki was looking at me somewhat frantically. Oh that's right, I'm . . . 

Currently atop his boyfriend. 

"Whoa . . . And I thought you were looking sickly back there. But if you're moving that fast, then you must be okay. And you might want to stop blushing. The rate you're going, you'll burst a blood vessel." Thank you, Watari, for that wonderful piece of insight. 

Awkward silence. 

"Um . . . this isn't what it looks like." 

"So . . . what were you doing then?" I would have asked the same question, if only Tsuzuki could control his mortification, and Tatsumi would stop giving off his weird vibes. Urgh. I think I'm going to puke . . . 

"Um . . . we were . . . " Tsuzuki shot Tatsumi a brief look. ". . . rehearsing?" 

Unwittingly, I exchanged looks with Watari before he burst into laughter. Tatsumi looked pained, and of course, Tsuzuki was clueless. Sigh. Only because it is Christmas . . . "Mou, Watari-san, I need your help with my computer." 

"What? Now? But-----" 

It took some effort to drag the unwilling scientist away from the couple. When I finally managed to shove him out into the corridor, his protests were almost loud enough to make me miss the conversation that drifted through the now closed door. 

"'Rehearsing'?" 

"Hey, it was the best I could come up with at the spur of the moment! And it was sorta the truth . . ." 

"Did you _see_ the way they were looking at us?" 

"Who cares? Oh . . . wait . . . oops. I mean, uh, hey, look on the bright side! It's not everyday you ----- itai! Do you still want my help or not?!" 

A small movement from Watari as he rounded a corner distracted me from the concentration. So the baka wasn't totally lying when he said they were 'rehearsing'. But what can they be rehearsing for? I don't know any Christmas pageant that has a declaration of love in it. And why would Tatsumi need help from Tsuzuki? Isn't it usually the other way around? 

~~~~~~~ 

Somewhere during Watari's unnecessarily long, and awfully detailed lecture on PowerPoint presentations, the sensation of something draped gently across my back was dully registered. 

Tsuzuki . . . ? 

"Mm . . . I'm awake . . . " 

"I know," a soft baritone voice responded. 

Slowly, I blinked my eyes open, gently rubbing sleep away from my eyes, and peered drowsily into a sea of pearly blue. 

"Tatsumi . . .?" 

Lips twitched into a small smile. "Watari said you fell asleep halfway through his lecture." 

Oh. That would explain his absence. "Where's Tsuzuki?" 

Something dashed past, too fast for me to interpret, before he reinforces his shields. "With Kacho. Hakushaku sent some desserts over as a Christmas treat." 

I raised an eyebrow. "Then why aren't you with him?" 

His posture seemed to stiffen. "Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realise you didn't want me here." 

"No! I didn't mean it that way." Who knew he would take it offensively? 

"Then which way did you mean it?" 

I paused. Isn't it obvious? "Well . . . since you and Tsuzuki are lovers and all." 

He stared at me. It didn't take an empath to see his bewilderment. "Me? Tsuzuki? Lovers?" Then he began to chuckle. 

When he didn't stop, I started to feel insulted. How was I to know they weren't lovers? Judging from the way they were acting, how could I not? He must have noticed my scowl, because his laughter began to subside. "I apologise. I just never imagined you would think so. Tsuzuki-san and I are just friends. Albeit very close ones, but still, just friends." 

Why is he staring at me so intently? "Oh." 

Tatsumi looked disappointed. What did I say now? 

I tried again. "So . . . why did you need help from Tsuzuki?" 

"Why . . . I didn't know you eavesdropped, Kurosaki-kun." 

Uh-oh. I can feel a blush settling in. "I---I wasn't!" 

"Oh?" Dammit, he's smirking. I lifted my eyes to meet his. Only then, did I realise how close we really were. Why are his eyes softening? And is it just me, or is----- 

He _is_ leaning in . . . 

And . . . 

. . . . . . 

Did you know Tatsumi tastes like peppermint? Or is it spearmint? I can't tell. All I know is that he tastes good. That I can finally feel the emotions he usually keeps pent up within his shields. That the way his emotions leak into me gives me a sense of warmth. That . . . 

I think my brain has ceased functioning. 

It was a bright flash that snatched me back into reality. For a minute, I couldn't think, too caught up in the process of drawing deep breaths for my oxygen-deprived lungs. 

Wakaba's excited squeal pierced through my hazy stupor. "It worked! It worked! My mistletoe worked!" 

What?? 

I looked up, past Tatsumi's curious eyes, and to the ceiling, where a sprig of evergreen, complete with its small white berries, winked at me innocently. A dreadful feeling settled in my stomach. 

Terazuma raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'your mistletoe'?" 

"I cast a charm on it, of course! Anyone who stand under it for more than five minutes will kiss!" She snuggled her precious camera a little closer. "I didn't think it'd really work, but it did! Now," she turned to Tsuzuki. "Are you and Watari up for a little smooch?" She dangled another sprig of mistletoe before them. 

With a yelp, the two dashed out the door, followed closely by a pursuing Wakaba, and an amused Terazuma. The whole situation would have been amusing for me too, if only . . . 

My chest hurts. No, correction. My _heart_ aches. 

So all this time, I wasn't suffering from premature heart attacks. I was nursing a mild heartache. One that is now in full bloom. 

"Kurosaki-kun . . . " Blue eyes gazed down at me, swimming with emotion. I slammed my shields up. I don't want to know. I . . . 

I don't want his regret. 

Tearing myself out of his embrace, I stumbled backwards. Don't look up. Don't look at him. "I---- I'll be going now." Turn. And run. 

"Hisoka!" 

Later, I would remember him calling me in that more familiar manner. But for now . . . it is best to forget. 

It is raining outside. 

Funny. Rain is meant to be cold, no? Then why is it coursing warm tracks down my face? 

~~~~~ 

I glared at the grandfather clock. 

It continued ticking. 

I glared some more. 

It remained ticking. 

One of these days, I'll smash the thing into smithereens. 

Sighing, I buried my face into the soft comfort of my pillow, knowing I was fighting a losing battle. Two minutes thirty-two seconds until Christmas. Another Christmas Eve spent alone in solitude. Somehow, the thought depressed me more than it usually did. 

Why? 

Because I wanted another to spent it here with me. 

Burying deeper into the pillow, I let out a muffled scream. Not that it made me feel any better. This is pathetic. Seven hours ago, I didn't even know I had feelings for a certain shadow-using secretary, and now I'm yearning to be cuddled and to play tonsil-hockey with him? It is almost sad. Scrap that. It _is_ sad. 

Turning my head sideway, I returned my gaze to the clock. 

Six seconds. 

Five. 

Four. 

Three. 

Two. 

_Ding-dong!_

I groaned. Who can it be at this time of the night? Day. Whatever. Grumbling, I dragged myself up from my pitiful state on the couch and trudged to the door. 

I swear, if it's a drunken Tsuzuki and an equally drunk Watari again after their weekly booze night, I'm going to slam the door in their face. I don't care if it's snowing, or raining cats and dogs. I want to sit and brood. In. Peace. 

I yanked the door open, a barrage of insults at ready . . . and almost slammed it shut. 

"Can I come in?" Damn it, in a situation like this, I should have known that it'd be Tatsumi at the door. 

"If I said 'no'?" 

He pushed the door open wider, and walked past me to the living room. Well, there's my answer. 

"Gee, merry Christmas to you, too," I commented dryly. 

"Why?" He looked at me then, his tone almost accusatory. As usual, I can't feel a drop of emotion from him. 

Feign nonchalance. After all, isn't that what I do best? "Why what?" 

I can almost hear him grit his teeth. "Why did you leave?" 

Like it's not obvious . . . What am I suppose to do, stand while you apologise and tell me you only kissed me because you were charmed? "Oh? I wasn't aware that I couldn't." 

All of a sudden, I was shaking . . . no, wait . . . that would Tatsumi shaking me. "Didn't it mean **anything** to you?! Damn it, stop faking indifference and answer me!!" 

So I did the only thing I could, I punched him. He staggered back, and for a minute, he just stared. 

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe . . . "Why should it mean anything to me? You were charmed, it didn't mean anything to you. So why should it matter to me?" 

"Because it _did_ matter to me." 

Oh, yeah, like that's an excuse. Because it did . . . wait a minute, did he just say . . . ?

Tatsumi smiled then, and stalked forward. Swooping down, he . . . 

I don't think brains are supposed to die on you like this. But as it is, as long as Tatsumi continues doing whatever he is doing right now, I think I can stand being incoherent for the rest of my life. Afterlife. Whatever . . . 

A sweet eternity later, he broke off, nibbling tenderly on my lower lip. "I'm not charmed this time . . . does it mean anything to you now?" If he sounds breathless, I'm not even going to venture speaking. Mutely, I nodded, and a wave of contentment washed over us both. 

Wait . . . "You don't feel like Tsuzuki anymore." 

He stiffened. "What?" 

Oops. That probably wasn't the best way to put it. "I mean, before, you used to feel like Tsuzuki does when he sees an apple pie. But you don't anymore. So . . . "

He chuckled. "Because I already have my apple pie." 

Silence. 

"That was . . . unbelievably corny." 

". . . ." Well, at least he isn't offended . . . 

"So what were you and Tsuzuki rehearsing for? It can't be a Christmas pageant." 

Tatsumi pulled back a little, mirth glinting in his blue depths. "Do you really want to know?" 

On second thoughts . . . "Um . . ." He shushed me, placing two finger lightly upon my lips, then brushed them over my eye. 

"You have beautiful eyes . . ." 

For me . . . ? 

"Will you let me be your happiness?" This time, there was no awkwardness. No embarrassment. No frustration. Only a warmth that made my knees buckle, and a need to sink and dwell in a puddle of mush. He drew closer, bending forward and tilted his head slightly to the side. 

I closed my eyes . . . 

_Ding-dong!_

"O ~ ii! Hi ~ So ~ Ka! Open up! Me ~~ rry Chri ~~ stmas!!" 

"Yah, Bon! Let us in ~ !!" 

The End. (Finally . . .) 

_Oh dear . . . ::cowers in a corner:: That was terrible! And it's a Tat x His! I don't even like Tatsumi! I tried to make it a comedy, but as you can see, it didn't work out very well . . . and . . . my grammar is terrible! Urgh . . . stupid muse. Leaves me with an idea then abandons me when I actually decide to start writing . . . _

_Anyway . . . Merry Christmas!_


End file.
